Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Soft Opening

I really did not want to start a blog. There are too damn many of them. And those are just the ones I like. I have always been of the notion that if everyone is a critic, then nobody is a critic. As such, my gut tells me that this is a bad way to draw attention to myself. Especially since I do not like to draw attention to myself. That may sound odd to you, seeing as how I appeared on TV for 130 episodes, have done a slew of DVD commentary tracks, and moved to the greatest fabricated paradise in the world with the goal of making a name in entertainment. But really, I do fancy myself the Shy Quiet Recluse - don't let my dildos, vibrators, and handcuffs fool you. A good chunk of my motivation is self-preservation. During the short interval when I was allowed into the 67% of American homes with cable television, I had a stalker problem that needed police involvement. I currently pay my rent through my employment by an organization that does not cotton to my unfiltered and often misanthropic worldview, and would certainly not want my name and their name linked in the same sentence, especially after I've let fly with my spleen and uvula. In short, I put myself at great personal risk each time I engage in public speaking. But then, Dr. King said that the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. And while certain high-profile individuals in our society have all but taken "Give me convenience or give me death" as a life's mantra, when I look at all the trouble I've gotten myself into, I can at least say I earned the bulk of it and was nobody's victim but mine own. I'm just a big man with a humble penis.

And as the scorched earth I have left behind will confirm, I'm also a very opinionated individual about film and culture. There has been a significant number of people who have suggested, nay demanded, that I take my opinions out of the realm of messageboards, social networks, and cinema sidewalks, and put them in one place for the general public. It makes sense: 74% of American homes have internet access, and a quarter of the world is online, thus creating an even greater potential base of viewing eyes to flummox and annoy. Not to mention that with the exception of New Zealand and the Phillipines, the multiple corporations who own "BEAT THE GEEKS" have been doing an excellent job of making sure no one will ever see the program in any permutation of media again for the remainder of time. (If you don't believe me, digitize your old VHS tape of a favorite episode, put it on YouTube, and see how fast it is taken down and your account terminated) So why not build it and see who will come? It's worked for just as many opinionated (albeit more polite) individuals whom I have been lucky to befriend in recent years, whose links you will find accumulated to the side.

So, you know how you're hosting a party, and it's not quite over, but a lot of people have already gone home and it's down to your core group and you figure that everything that was gonna happen has happened, and then someone shows up really late, and you're debating whether to tell them to come in and socialize or that it's pretty dead and they should call it a night?

Well, it's Christmas Eve. I've arrived at your party. I'm hoping you'll let me in. I don't mind if there's no refreshments left, I ate before I came over anyway.

1 comment:

  1. i saved some dessert and egg nog just for you. been waiting. we all have.